I'm 37-38 years old....i'm not merried, yet...I want to get married one day with a choice of God for my life.
I've had many bad experiences, which is associated with men. Now I became very sensitive and scared. I do not easily believe the same men. And I became very protective of myself. I do not want hurt, I no longer want to sacrifice myself just for men who are not sure. My life is hard enough as they are. I almost want to plan a married 3 times with my ex-boyfriend, but it's all just a plan that was never realized. Maybe for me it's a nightmare for a woman and her parents. In the Javanese in Indonesia, women who are old enough to talk unmarried people, which makes her depressed. Many friends and relatives who tried to introduce the man but no one matches in the heart. Do I have to marry someone I did not know before. Sometimes I'm annoyed with myself that has a mediocre face, many shortcomings, not smart. Back again I often brooding and pensive alone crying in the darkness, realizing all is the provision of God. Every man should be grateful and accept what is to the advantages and disadvantages. Feeling foolish to realize, if I see people who are more physically deficiency can show achievement. Perhaps the sins and mistakes is very much like a froth, perhaps this sentence shall I receive my sins are. I have two younger and they already have a partner and married. I was so embarrassed to God, I used to beg and force myself. Finally I hurt, lied exploited the material. Tired so tired I face this fact. But somehow the strength of which, I always want to fight, get up, competing, learning, self-defeating. Being better by letting go to God but also not stop trying.
Just my education through high school to college D1 Tourism. But the work that I lead has never been to do with tourism. I work in an electronics factory in Batam for 2 years. After that I worked in a factory in Ungaran Plastics, Central Java. Because my parents told me to go back to Jogja I worked as a clerk in a wholesale grocery store on Market Street near Gejayan. Then work to date is as an operator at an advertising company in Jogjakarta. His name companies are PT. Surya Hayuning Bawana.
Here I learned a lot from scratch because I do not have a basic education about advertising. I had to fight the competition confront labor. I have to continue to add insight and knowledge. Also education of the internet world. Internet greatly helped to catch up.
Family life is very simple, eat as is. For a hearty meal we can not always enjoy. But we were grateful to my parents. Although my father was very stern and conservative, though I often hurt either physically or verbally. I forgive my father.
Many tears than happy in my life. Many sacrifices in vain. I've never had anything that I was proud of. My confidence dropped ... I feel empty and alone. I was disappointed with the life that I live. I'm regret the sin and sacrifice that I did before.
But I want to change .... I'm going to go ahead .. I want to smile and laugh again ... I certainly want to be happy
I want to sing .... Want to write .... want to create.
But I feel grateful, all that happens is always for a reason ... There are things that I take up.
I've be itinerant drink vending, be dress itinerant sellers, sellers pulse, sellers assist in the bag ... and pavement cafés. Always finding new things .. and finding new friends.
Life continues to run no matter what. Survive and do good things for yourself and the people around. Do not hurt others ... I wish future success.
I will start with small things. Discipline ... spirit ... set the direction and goals ..
Own way or take ... should lead to the same. SUCCESS.
OKAY ....
And do not complain ....
I CAN .... I can afford
I can make it happen ....
Positive thinking for progress .... Yeeeeaaaaah
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